Advice For Weddings

I get a lot of e-mails asking for help and advice for weddings so this page is just that--my advice and opinions. I don't claim to be a wedding expert.

I planned my own, helped out with the weddings of some of my family members and close friends, plus I acted as a wedding coordinator for many weddings while my husband pastored for 10 years.

First of all, you need to understand that you will never be able to please everyone on both sides of the family. No one can. You can try, but it just won't happen. So, decide what you and your fiance want and just go for it. This is your big day. Your families already had theirs.

When I was planning my wedding, there were a lot of fights and demands. Both sets of parents decided not to attend my wedding. I just don't get that. Finally, even though many things were still not their way, including the choice of my groom, minister, and some guests who I wanted there but they did not want, my sister and my parents decided to come. My brothers still refused and none of my other relatives came. No one from my husband's family came to our wedding.

Close friends from our church came to our wedding, but not my best friend. She did not care for my husband. Unfortunately for us, she was our piano player and our soloist. So we had to scramble and find someone else to do the music. Also, not one member of her family attended either and I had been like a close member of their family for years.

My best friend was a fabulous musician and over the years I had watched her do a lot of weddings beautifully and I really wanted her to do the music at mine. She said she would...then changed her mind. She did not bother to inform me until I called to tell her something. I was in shock.

But the important thing is that the bride and groom and the pastor showed up for the wedding and it has been almost 25 years now so I guess it took...

I found a very sweet teenager at church who played the piano and she was willing to play for my wedding. It was her first wedding so I had to give her the music for the songs I wanted played. She played prior to the wedding while guests were being seated, she played the Wedding March and We've Only Just Begun at the end of the ceremony, and she did a beautiful job.

Two other friends did the special music while we lit our Unity Candle so the ceremony was very nice. Still those who were absent were sorely missed. I really tried to accommodate everyone, but it just did not work. I made a lot of concessions, yet look at how many did not show up. So my advice for weddings is to do what you want, not what anyone else wants you to do.

You simply cannot count on family and friends to be there for you sometimes, no matter how close you think you are. It hurts and most of the time they are upset because you are not doing something their way. They are too wrapped up in themselves to realize that this is your wedding, not theirs. Just let it go and get married. If they do not attend, it is their loss. Yes, it is your loss, too, but short of cancelling your wedding, you will not please them.

If those you invite want to come to your wedding, they will. If they do not want to come to your wedding, no matter what you do, they will not come. So don't bother getting upset or making a fuss. They forget that this all-important day in your life is about YOU and not them.